People always have peers even when they are in a relationship. However,
is it right to let these friends make decisions for you or pressure you
into doing something?
Thursday September 1 2016
Peers
and peer pressure are more pronounced during teenage years but what if
someone has carried it on until the time they are in a relationship that
was intended to lead to marriage?
Imagine your partner being unable to show you to her friends because they prefer a particular type of partner?
They may choose the what kind of partner she must have or to have the same things, otherwise, she must leave their group.
But she instead does everything possible to keep them but how possible is it for her to keep the relationship?
While growing up, we think about freedom in decision making and think we should be able to do everything the way we want it to be. However, sometimes we find ourselves being caught up with peers influencing our decisions as far as relating is concerned.
But while peers are important in our lives, they should not be in our relationships because you must make decisions for yourself without any influence from them.
Some partners cheat because they want to get the things that their partners cannot give them. They usually struggle to fit in the group. Isaac Ssekandi, an IT personnel, once had a girlfriend who was influenced by her peers. Then, he did not have a job so his income was low.
“My girlfriend would ask me for things I could not afford because her friends had them. I asked her to be patient with me but she never listened. One day I suspected she was cheating and when I asked her why she did that, she said because I was not able to provide for her. We had to break up.”
Men too can be victims of peer influence. Some of their peers are usually at drinking places or watching soccer. So they will always go and watch soccer or any other game at any time even when they have wives.
Richard Wasike, a truck driver, narrates, “I was persuaded into a drinking place for just one bottle by workmates. Unfortunately, the bottle was too fascinating that I asked for more. Before I knew it, it was already midnight. I panicked and asked them to drop me home because I was afraid my wife would complain because I never go home past 8pm.”
Wasike carried on with the group for several months. Therefore, he would return home late and drunk. “Then my friends had asked me to stay with them the whole night after all my wife was with the children. My wife did not say anything to me but one day when I returned in the morning, she had gone. She took our two children too. I have tried to convince her to return but she has refused.”
Many times people fail to understand that they are different and are subjected to different conditions in life. People can never be the same. “You cannot go through life at the same pace and similar conditions because we are different, says Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counsellor at Ssuubi Medical centre.
She explains, “Although friends are important in our lives, there are decisions that you must make as an individual and not rely on what others have to say. Sometimes the people in your peer group are not in any relationship so they do not lose anything or they just want you to be like them.”
Counsellor's take
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counsellor at Ssuubi Medical Centre, says peer pressure can be both negative and positive. It is also both spoken and unspoken. The pull towards negative peer pressure is usually stronger than the positive.
At every age, whether children or adults, we are taken up by peer pressure. Positive peer pressure is good because an individual is encouraged to make the right choices. While negative peer pressure where an individual accepts negative choices for example drinking just to fit in a group is bad.
Cause heated arguments
Peer pressure can affect a relationship in many ways, which include heated arguments since one of the partners may force their new acquired ideas on another partner. Worse still, in a particular group, cheating and late night parties may be acceptable and the one who is in the group may easily loose the relationship as this will sour the relationship.
Dealing with it
One can get rid of peer pressure to beginning with recognising the kind of influence in the group and find strategies of pulling out of it or tell the partner about it. A problem shared is a problem solved since this gives one backup.
Recognise your strengths and weaknesses if you intend to get rid of peer pressure of any form whether relation or drinking. Be strong in a sense that even when the friends threaten to throw you out of the group. It is not bad to be unique remember your relationship is more important.
Imagine your partner being unable to show you to her friends because they prefer a particular type of partner?
They may choose the what kind of partner she must have or to have the same things, otherwise, she must leave their group.
But she instead does everything possible to keep them but how possible is it for her to keep the relationship?
While growing up, we think about freedom in decision making and think we should be able to do everything the way we want it to be. However, sometimes we find ourselves being caught up with peers influencing our decisions as far as relating is concerned.
But while peers are important in our lives, they should not be in our relationships because you must make decisions for yourself without any influence from them.
Some partners cheat because they want to get the things that their partners cannot give them. They usually struggle to fit in the group. Isaac Ssekandi, an IT personnel, once had a girlfriend who was influenced by her peers. Then, he did not have a job so his income was low.
“My girlfriend would ask me for things I could not afford because her friends had them. I asked her to be patient with me but she never listened. One day I suspected she was cheating and when I asked her why she did that, she said because I was not able to provide for her. We had to break up.”
Men too can be victims of peer influence. Some of their peers are usually at drinking places or watching soccer. So they will always go and watch soccer or any other game at any time even when they have wives.
Richard Wasike, a truck driver, narrates, “I was persuaded into a drinking place for just one bottle by workmates. Unfortunately, the bottle was too fascinating that I asked for more. Before I knew it, it was already midnight. I panicked and asked them to drop me home because I was afraid my wife would complain because I never go home past 8pm.”
Wasike carried on with the group for several months. Therefore, he would return home late and drunk. “Then my friends had asked me to stay with them the whole night after all my wife was with the children. My wife did not say anything to me but one day when I returned in the morning, she had gone. She took our two children too. I have tried to convince her to return but she has refused.”
Many times people fail to understand that they are different and are subjected to different conditions in life. People can never be the same. “You cannot go through life at the same pace and similar conditions because we are different, says Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counsellor at Ssuubi Medical centre.
She explains, “Although friends are important in our lives, there are decisions that you must make as an individual and not rely on what others have to say. Sometimes the people in your peer group are not in any relationship so they do not lose anything or they just want you to be like them.”
Counsellor's take
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, a counsellor at Ssuubi Medical Centre, says peer pressure can be both negative and positive. It is also both spoken and unspoken. The pull towards negative peer pressure is usually stronger than the positive.
At every age, whether children or adults, we are taken up by peer pressure. Positive peer pressure is good because an individual is encouraged to make the right choices. While negative peer pressure where an individual accepts negative choices for example drinking just to fit in a group is bad.
Cause heated arguments
Peer pressure can affect a relationship in many ways, which include heated arguments since one of the partners may force their new acquired ideas on another partner. Worse still, in a particular group, cheating and late night parties may be acceptable and the one who is in the group may easily loose the relationship as this will sour the relationship.
Dealing with it
One can get rid of peer pressure to beginning with recognising the kind of influence in the group and find strategies of pulling out of it or tell the partner about it. A problem shared is a problem solved since this gives one backup.
Recognise your strengths and weaknesses if you intend to get rid of peer pressure of any form whether relation or drinking. Be strong in a sense that even when the friends threaten to throw you out of the group. It is not bad to be unique remember your relationship is more important.
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